How to meet insecurity
Me insecure? Yeah, you. And everyone else.
When did you last lie? Wait, that’s right. You’re not a liar. Or are you …
You work your damndest to identify yourself as a good, honest person. Really, you’re just white-lying your way through life. Me? Why? Well, lying makes you feel better, bigger, more important, and more legitimate than you really feel. Don’t worry – you’re not alone. According to one study, we all tell around 300 lies on any given day. Why do we do it? At the root of every lie – big and small – is a feeling of not being enough. Not measuring up.
We’ve all got a case of the lies.
Ever spiced up a story to make it just a little bit more captivating, more exciting? Ever wondered why? Did it make you seem more interesting? Ever told someone about a compliment you got and exaggerated it just a bit? Kinda like this: He said he’s NEVER felt like this before. That I’ve changed his life FOREVER. She said I was BORN to do this. That I’m the ONLY ONE who can write like this. Maybe you’re not the one who’s lying after all. Maybe the person who gave you the compliment in the first place embellished the facts, colouring the truth to make it sound that much nicer.
How about this? Ever said, “OMG I ate SO much yesterday. I am SO fat.”, but to everyone else, you look the same? Or sent a message saying, “I’m on my way.”, when you’re actually still in your sweats on the sofa? We exaggerate – and we understate the facts. Small white lies, each and every day. Why lie? What are the benefits of not telling the truth as it is? We want to be MORE, more interesting, funnier, nicer, cooler, smarter, sexier, more important. If we’re more, then others are less. And we matter. All in our hunt for acknowledgment and belonging. To feel like we are enough. I am worthy of my place in this world, whether I contribute or not.
When we spend our days telling all these little lies, we become less trustworthy. The more we downplay or exaggerate the facts, the less people trust us. In simple terms, we become an unsafe bet. Insecurity blossoms. An abstract feeling develops. We start out trying to make ourselves look more interesting to another person. Why? To get closer to that person. To inspire a sense of “yes, you’re the one I wanna trust!” And we achieve just the opposite. Separation develops. The connection diminishes.
Imagine this: you spend your days saying what you mean and meaning what you say. What would that look like? Confidence, that’s what. The calm, collected kind. No need to cover your ass or anyone else’s, and no space for lies. Your own honest court of law. “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”
Every time you feel you fall short (not cool/smart/sexy/young/rich/interesting enough), a defense mechanism steps in. Also known as the Ego. The Ego acts cold, uninterested, bored. The Ego shuts off, protecting yourself from what you define as bad feelings. Those feelings of inadequacy. The catch? By shutting down the bad stuff, you shut out the good stuff. Happiness, belonging, and love. Bummer.
Want to let go of some old good ego defense mechanism? Check this out. https://theeqgym.com/collections/transcendent-active-meditation
This is a guest post. Any opinions expressed are the writer’s own.