The Undetected Child and the Incapable Adult

The person who looks back at you in the mirror is an adult, this misleads you a little because it probably makes you think that you are one person. An adult person at that, right? The EQ GYM’s truth is that a lot of different people live inside of you: you yourself at different ages, with different blockages, traumas and needs. See if you can first imagine that you split into two. You as in the one you see in the mirror. An adult. And then you as a child. Around 7, 8, 9 years old. We will now get to know that child. Your inner child! And we will train you to become its best parent. A super parent.

“Be on my side. I’ll be on your side, baby. There is no reason for you to hide. It’s so hard for me staying here all alone.”
– Neil Young.

The Super Parent and Internal Child – Also Known as the Conscious and the Subconscious

Now imagine that you haven’t listened to that child in a long time, maybe never ever. Thus, the child has not been listened to. Also imagine that you may have disowned the child? Escaped away from it? There is then no connection with the child and perhaps no love for it. The child may never have known love. The result of this is called self-contempt. When the child feels contempt for the adult, it needs validation. Validation which it does not believe it deserves. As a result, the child is unable to receive love but needs it very much. You see, Catch-22.

What the child begins to do when it does not receive internal love is to seek validation from others. That is, validation which it is unable to receive. Since the child does not believe that it deserves love, the behaviour intended to elicit love becomes difficult for others to follow. To shout, blame, denigrate, dramatize, ignore, escape, isolate, manipulate, magnify, diminish. The list can be long and you may start to recognise it. Behaviour we display when we want love but cannot ask for it, because we do not think we deserve it.

Everyone has an inner child, and the more we scream, fight and push ourselves, the more we need ourselves. Our internal super parent who sees us, sits with us, not abandoning us. Talks to us and gives us the best a parent can give. 100% presence and zero judgment.

Exercise – Make Yourself Count.

Close your eyes and while you are closing your eyes, imagine that it is the child you are visiting. See if you can see yourself as a 9-year-old. Think of a school photo in a Year 3 class. Ask her or him how they feel? And if she or he could decide, what would they do today? What would they eat? Start communicating, it may take a while before the child starts to trust you, and dares to express something. Do not give up. Let him or her come to you when they feel safe. See if you can be permissive, warm, understanding and accommodating. See if you can get to know the child’s way of communicating.

My results are self care and self love! And as with all training. It is not enough to go to the gym once.

Keep coming back!

This is a guest post. The opinions expressed are the writer’s own.